i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
