I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
