My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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