I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
