so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
