Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
