thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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