i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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