before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
