you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
