so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
