The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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