I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
