Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize