As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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