come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
