i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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