I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
