i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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