Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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