I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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