I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
