um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
