The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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