I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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