i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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