so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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