My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
