Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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