Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
