I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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