i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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