Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
