I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
