She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
