I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
