from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
