Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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