just come out here and I will go home with you...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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