you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
