Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
