can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
