Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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