bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Houston, we have a squirter
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize