why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
