3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
