According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
