We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
