If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
