The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
