When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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