no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
