We're like a lot better than the average bears
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
