Sponge bath it is.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
