One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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