I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
