Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
