Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Randomize
