Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am available for nakedness
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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