Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize