Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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