Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
