my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
