i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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