I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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