I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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