Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
