Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
