She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
