i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
