White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
