What a fucking waste of an outfit
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
