soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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