I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
