oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
