If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
