So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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