The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
