My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
