so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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