How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
