one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
