we have officially lost it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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