I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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