Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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