You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
