Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize