i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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