youre lurking in front of me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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