I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
