you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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