Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
