I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
