I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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