i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
