need another drink. this is the easiest way
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
