So drunk its hurt
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
