Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
