If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
