I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
