I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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