when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
