if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize