i jhust puked up my retainher.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Randomize
