it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
