Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
