Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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