just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
