Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
