The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
