they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
