Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The adults are the big ones right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
