You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
