i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
